It's in the Valleys I Grow

 

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
full of sorrow, trouble and woe.
It's then I have to remember
that it's in the valleys I grow

If I always stayed on the mountain top
and never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
and would be living in vain

I have so much to learn
and my growth is very slow,
sometimes I need the mountain tops
But it's in the valleys I grow

I do not always understand,
why things happen as they do.
But I am very sure of one thing,
My Lord will see me through

My little valleys are nothing
when I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death,
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
when I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
that it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord.
and use my life each day
to share your love with others
and help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
for this one thing I know
the mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow.

Adoration

There are times in our lives that we stand back in amazement at the goodness of God which leads us to be very humbled and desirous to worship in adoration. Times when we seek God’s will and see doors opening in the direction we believe His will is leading…times when we see spiritual growth in our children…times when in spite of inconveniences we observe the absolute beautifulness of the snow surrounding us…and of course for me most recently being brought through another great trial which in my doctor’s words yesterday was a “horrible mess.”  I’m so thankful that my shoulder is healing in spite of the difficult pain which he said was because of all the bone work in addition to the rotator cuff and the fact that I cannot have narcotics. I’m so thankful that he had wisdom to think of giving me a shot in my shoulder yesterday to try to give some relief…thankful for the helping hands of our children as I cannot move my arm for at least another 4 weeks.

Yes I’m so thankful that as I lay awake this morning at 4:30am I was not groaning in pain as other mornings but had some sweet relief. It was so quiet and peaceful in this house…I could just sit (cannot lay yet) and lift up my soul in sweet overwhelming adoration and communion to my dear Maker in heaven…no surrounding noise…no interruptions…no phones…no work to be done…just me and Him.

I was so able to see His goodness as I watch my children go through great trials but yet through them seeing spiritual growth. As much as I hurt with them, never would I want one of those trials removed that brings spiritual gain. I saw a little glimpse of how our Father must feel…on the one hand suffering in our suffering and yet rejoicing when the trial has not been wasted but instead brings spiritual growth.

As I lay awake this morning I couldn’t but help realize how important it is that we do not "waste" our trials. It will take an entire eternity for us to truly see the goodness of God...goodness in every trial…in every cross providence…in every blessing…in every step or misstep of our day…in every temptation…in every goodness…eternity hardly seems long enough to sit at His feet humbly adoring this great good God whom we serve.

 In sweet communion, Lord, with Thee

 I constantly abide;
 My hand Thou holdest in Thy own
 To keep me near Thy side.

 Thy counsel through my earthly way

 Shall guide me and control,
 And then to glory afterward
 Thou wilt receive my soul.

 Whom have I, Lord, in heaven but Thee,

 To Whom my thoughts aspire?
 And, having Thee, on earth is nought
 That I can yet desire.

 Though flesh and heart should faint and fail,

 The Lord will ever be
 The strength and portion of my heart,
 My God eternally.

 To live apart from God is death,

 'Tis good His face to seek;
 My refuge is the living God,
 His praise I long to speak.

Crash

Having POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) is a tricky thing to deal with but having POTS with a heart condition is even worse. Last night I had a “POTS Crash.” I woke up during the night feeling very unwell. When that happens the first thing to do is check blood pressure…mine was 79/48. When I was first diagnosed my Cardiologist told me anytime my blood pressure went under 100 I needed to go to the hospital. I told him I would be camping there quite a bit then. So he almost made me promise that if it went below 90/60 I would make the trip in. Last night surely met the criteria and yet I felt too bad to move or walk.

The next two hours we tried all the “home remedies” I could think of that my Dr. gave me. Push fluids and drink a coconut water (which contains 500mg potassium) etc. while checking my pressure every few minutes. But then the matter became more complex. My heart obviously didn’t like my blood pressure being so low and it started having spasms. Now besides having very low blood pressure I also was having sharp pains in my chest and in my back between my shoulder blades. The typical solution for this would be to take a Nitrate under my tongue but I’m not allowed to take one unless my blood pressure is over 100 so that was out. The thought then arises…Is the affected artery still clean or is there enough plaque buildup in it that this would lead to a full out heart attack. All we could do was stay very calm and relaxed and hope things would turn around me (all the while knowing that I have my Cardiologist’s cell phone number in my cell phone in case things would get worse). Remembering that when I’ve had surgeries and my blood pressure dropped they would also tilt my bed with the head down and feet up we tried that as well.

After 2 ½ hours on this tightrope things started improving and my blood pressure hit 92/58. Now I was getting more in my “normal” range although feeling a bit weak and left with a fairly intense headache. I was so thankful that we didn’t have to go in…as belonging to a POTS support group I read about so many people who are in and out of the hospital. In fact some people are getting ports so that they can do their own IV at home during a “crash”. 

Why do I share this with you?

First of all when people ask me how I am and I reply “stable” that is a very good thing...I love stable. We never know when these will happen and this is only one type of side effect of having POTS. Whenever I travel I have to be ready and prepared if this would happen…its my new life.

Secondly, we all know that we are walking with a fine string separating us between life and death but I am very keenly aware of this fact. This morning as we were eating breakfast it really hit me how serious the matter could have gotten and how I was able to remain so calm through it all.

I don’t really like writing blogs about my own health issues but this morning I just wanted to give you a little window into what life with POTS and Coronary Artery Spasms can look like. It’s not an easy life…but it is a life dependent on the Lord Day by Day.

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.