A Fearful Thing

Recently my husband and I were having a conversation and he questioned what I had just said to him. Did I mean exactly what I said or was I trying to give a different subtle message. I assured him I wasn’t giving a subtle message but inside I began to wonder? Did I know even know my own heart? Was I fooling myself? Could my heart be that deceitful? Do I even know myself? I know my heart is deceitful…who can know it but… How can I know? How do I plumb the depths of my heart to find out the truth? 

As I continued to ponder my heart and look within it reminded me of what we see so often this time of year – entering a haunted house.  Does the door of my heart bear the title, “Most frightening?” We have all seen them and maybe some of us have even gone through one. Children cling to their parent’s hands. Imagine for a minute being one of these children. As you enter the haunted house there is so much fear. These houses are dark. One never knows what evil is lurking around the next bend. What will we see or hear? Will we stumble, trip or fall? Will my parent hold my hand tight enough? Will we ever make it through?

This is how it feels to enter the depths of one’s heart. “Lord what sin is lurking around the next corner?” Our hearts are so deceitful that we cannot even know them ourselves, yet it is so necessary to search our heart and root out sins lurking within; but yet there is fear. What if we stumble, trip or fall? It is so fearful to uncover sin that was never realized before? What will that look like? Can it be conquered? Will our heavenly Father tightly hold our hand as we uncover lurking sins? We want to grow in grace but…

Mary Winslow said, “I think confession of sin, should make up one-half of our life. And when we reflect that we have to do with one so able and so ready to pardon, it is a pleasure blended with pain to unveil our whole heart in the acknowledgment of its iniquity before God. Thus it is we gather the strength of resistance and the skill that foils our arch foe; the conscience is kept tender, the heart sanctified, and the blood of Jesus becomes increasingly precious. Let us, then, constantly resort to this cleansing fountain, that the sin, mental and heart sin cognizant to no eye but God’s holy eye, may be cleansed. What a high privilege is this! Who can subdue our inbred sins but Jesus? As well might we attempt to upheave a mountain as to argue with and remove even a solitary corruption of our fallen nature. But if we carry it at once to Christ, He will do it all for us. This is one of the most difficult, though needed, lessons in the school of Christ.”

We need to press forward. Fear not this prayer, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts” Ps 139:23. He has promised never to leave or forsake (Heb. 13:5); has promised to forgive our sins that we confess (1 John 1:9). The same David who prayed the above prayer also said, “I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin” Ps 32:5.